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love [12 Feb 2010|11:56pm]
no turning back
4 visions| exploding conscience?

[19 Dec 2006|07:57pm]
i dont know how much longer i can last.
i dont understand why my life had to be this way
i dont understand anything
and i want to die
1 vision| exploding conscience?

devoid of meaning [18 Dec 2006|05:50pm]
when i think of you
i become a black hole
all the stars collapse
in an infinite void
and my words are like scribbles
on a blank white sheet
because what i need isn't given to me
so i do it the best way i can
cause i know youll hold on
for as long as you can
and when you leave them
theyll just look back
and understand nothing
but what they chose to see
exploding conscience?

learning [14 Dec 2006|03:34pm]
your face decays
when you give in
pain and pleasure
love and hate
life and death
one in the same
branches made
your family named

your face is made
you took the part
you took the ride
but you hitchhiked
and now you're going back
so dont look back

you know what's right
there's too much light
and your number has been called
exploding conscience?

like waves [10 Dec 2006|03:08pm]
exploding conscience?

[24 Nov 2006|10:53pm]

feel. i feel.
when i fell
it felt real
to realize i wasn't you
to realize the final clues
as meloncholy now resumes
and fear subsides
as death turns
over in its grave
the warmth of life exploding
in a dream turned barren
and it's back to the world
where im raised to become
though i didnt become

it's funny
though it seems so cruel
the love that youve destroyed
in the name of love
and life
that you are
that you name
and take shape
never questioning anything
and no sense of mystery
or beauty so grand
so it is with fear
which i'm sure lies deep
perpetuating the delusion
never to unfold

looking on
i feel seperate
love is no excuse
exploding conscience?

weeeeeee [10 Nov 2006|11:33pm]
[White "Telecom 1"]
[Black "backtoplay"]
[Event "InstantChess"]
[WhiteElo "1619"]
[Result "0-1"]
[ICCause "8"]
[ICEcause "13"]
[Annotator "backtoplay"]

1.d4 Nf6 2.c4 g6 3.Nc3 Bg7 4.e4 d6 5.h3 O-O 6.Nf3 e5 7.dxe5 dxe5 8.Qxd8 Rxd8 9.Be3 Nc6 10.Be2 Be6 11.O-O Nb4 12.Nd5 Nc2 13.Rac1 Nxe3 14.Nxe3 Nxe4 15.Rc2 Bh6 16.b3 Bxe3 17.fxe3 Ng3 18.Re1 Nxe2+ 19.Rcxe2 e4 20.Nd2 f5 21.Kh2 c5 22.Kg1 Rd6 23.Nf1 h5 24.g3 Kg7 25.Rg2 Rf8 26.Kh2 a5 27.Ree2 b6 28.Nd2 Rh8 29.Kg1 h4 30.g4 fxg4 31.hxg4 h3 32.Rg3 Rh4 33.g5 Rd8 34.Kh2 Rd3 35.Rg1 Bg4 36.Rf2 Rxe3 37.Rg3 Rxg3 38.Kxg3 h2 39.Rxh2 Rxh2 40.Kxh2 e3 0-1
exploding conscience?

[04 Nov 2006|01:34pm]
I am so in love with Hannah.
1 vision| exploding conscience?

[27 Oct 2006|04:12pm]
like a camera closing
the wind behind my eyes
it drags me into deep sleep
smelling flowers by my side

i dont know how they see me
but i thought that i would try
the evening turning vibrant red
a picture by his side

now the stranglehold has weakened
still resisting full release
as the flowers hand has left me
within the hour lost all reach

everything you are everything
and everything i have tried


if anyone is listening
please read this as it is
the death of a dreamer
whose love has been denied
exploding conscience?

[25 Oct 2006|11:23pm]
life is AMAZING

and the world is on fire
exploding conscience?

[22 Oct 2006|12:42am]
im so afraid of giving up
but thats the game i play
because i already have

so fucked up
so fucking
im so fucked up
and want you to see
what i am at the core
i may find one
or one may find me
that doesnt mean
i cant fake the rest
as well as i can fake

i want to be the opposite of everything
while at the same time
more aware of the things i feel in life
while passively resisting you
with a fear that you might see me
i want to be the opposite of everything
you're passively resisting

erasing the memory
reflected through imagery
consolidating force

wish to forget
what you never learned
to remember a time
when there was no mind
silly, disturbed, desolate fear
ill meet you there


bleeding heart
bleeding mind
because i know its better
than to be with you
because i like it better
when i know what lies beneath
when the words dont sound just

bleeding heart
shakey voice
feel my pulse
touch the cross
holding hands
the mirror stands
because its what i want

and soon i will forget it all
so blessed to be this way
effortless distraction
stretch like shadows and dissolve
through a deep dense fog
all that's ever known
through my own eyes
i'm qualified to lie
i'm qalified to lie with you
with the parts of you that want me too
and the parts that just don't fit

soon will be forgotten
sun will shine right through
but you wont be near me there
but i'll be close by you
reminds me that i'm writing this
for the one with whom i share


did you know?
did you know
did i throw you off guard?

does this sound familiar?
now think about it hard
what else can distract you?

did you know?
that god is within you?
but first you must die
did you know its not fun?
did you know you should try?

but i dont believe that.
i waver and dive
sooner or later
my feet in the sky
my head in the sea
and we're all the same
regardless of how
we make it seem
regardless of how we make it seem

you can't weigh the moon
without breaking the scale
and you're everywhere.

did you know?
exploding conscience?

hurt [15 Oct 2006|10:31pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

tell me to get over this
as you sigh
raise me in your chaos
and destroy me at your will
tell me to get over this hill

going blind.
was left alone
the beliefs i sheild
no voice
just drone
and now i'm going home

tell me to get over this
as you sigh
despondently yours
as something you own
as a part of something
you have to mold
so you can do what you're told

i'm going home


as a last resort
to find myself
recoiled by the brook
not quite sure
at what i look for
something almost within my reach
and i know it by name
because it soothes at the touch
she's walking this way
and it feels like home

exploding conscience?

[08 Oct 2006|05:18am]

love is like
a closeness
that one seeks

a valley
wider than deep
returned to the sea

branches twitch
and so do eyes

classical man
in form of a tree
each leaf representing
the space in between

a closeness
that one seeks
exploding conscience?

I graduated. I have a job. and I have pictures. [27 Sep 2006|05:32pm]

My graduation from The Art Institute of Dallas was Monday. 
Tuesday was my portfolio show (where employers come and view graduates' work). 
Right after I left the portfolio show I got a call from Taylor Publishing in Dallas, a company I applied at and interviewed with a week or so earlier) asking me if I'd like to work for them.
I said yes
that's a weight off my shoulders.
I start work October 30th.  I'm going apartment hunting in Dallas this weekend with my mom.
it pays $14/hr plus full benefits.  6:30 - 2pm Monday through Friday

also.. today I recieved a call from BioWorld Merchandising who I met with at the portfolio show.  They want me to come in for an interview Monday. 
I'm still keeping my options open.  A better job might come along...

Anyways, here are some pictures

1 vision| exploding conscience?

[18 Sep 2006|12:18pm]
be still
and concentrate
surrender in the sight
and take a golden flight
through beauty and its might
to feel just what you are
don't reason it with thought
don't seperate the parts
and don't forget to
be the way you are


you're taken care of
through it all
the pain you feel within the fall
is just the crashing of a wave
it's just the ending of a day
before you see again
new light
exploding conscience?

[15 Sep 2006|06:12pm]
last night i had a spiritual experience and felt what seemed like bliss
and i remember thinking, this won't last.  it's not possible.
so today i wake up and i have a job interview.  but it's at 9am and i have to work for Mo at 8, so I had to call him and tell him i wouldn't make it. 
the interview was disappointing.  but i didn't feel too bad about it.  basically he wanted me to run another branch as the manager and pay me $8.50 with commision..  so i don't know about that..
but then i go to my internship class, which i hate because the teacher is an asshole.  and i didn't have an assignment ready b/c i would have printed it this morning but i had the interview.  and then i had to go cut my matte boards for portfolio review which is tuesday.  by the time i got there i felt like shit.  my mind was kind of shut down and everyone around me just seemed way too happy and cracking jokes, and one girl thought i was gay, and i pretty much just felt like dying.
and i got my shit done and went home, feeling like a zombie, and wondering why i'm so fucked up inside.  and thinking about my past and how horrible and alone i've been.  and i why i think so much, or don't think at all.  and about how my memory is slowly going.  and i just wanted die.  but ive felt like that many times before..

and i always feel better about writing about it.
but i still just want to feel loved.
exploding conscience?

[13 Sep 2006|09:57am]

the releasing of me

it comes in waves
and you'd think i'd see
to where it wouldn't matter
but i still want to expose
let everybody see
the horrifying reality
of a life greater than
most can see

so what keeps me in line
i'd have to say fear
because it blinds me
and corrodes my faith
and memory
of where i've been
and the suffering caused
for all that you need
is forever uncaptured
not in space or time
but in feeling and spirit
which never unwinds

for the world isn't real
makes you feel whats not there
makes you hurt till you feel
nothing at all
just to watch as they hide
till the end of their days
giving in to themselves
and the blindest of ways

i don't want to give up on you

exploding conscience?

[11 Sep 2006|05:52pm]
hear me calling out
to you
hear me in the dark
your virgin eyes don't think
reflection towards relief
dichotomy of states
surrounding your embrace
but i want the sweetest taste
furthest from your place
a twisted darkened place
change me to fulfill every need
but hear me calling out
to you
to burn me alive at the stake
exploding conscience?

[05 Sep 2006|05:10pm]
[ mood | calm ]

you start living once your body has died

exploding conscience?

[03 Sep 2006|02:20pm]
[White "hey there"]
[Black "teacher"]
[BlackElo "1677"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Event "InstantChess"]
[ICCause "2"]
[ICEcause "4"]
[BlackIFlag "US"]
[WhiteIFlag "US"]

1.e4 e5 2.f4 exf4 3.Nf3
Bc5 4.d4 Bb6 5.Bc4 Nf6 6.O-O
O-O 7.e5 Ne8 8.Bxf4 d5 9.Bd3
h6 10.Qd2 g5 11.Be3 f6
12.a4 a6 13.a5 Ba7 14.Qe2 fxe5
15.Nc3 e4 16.Nxg5 Rxf1+ 17.Rxf1
exd3 18.Qh5 Qe7 19.Qg6+ Ng7
20.Nxd5 Qd6 21.Qh7# 1-0
1 vision| exploding conscience?

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